You're gonna die, scanner!
Yes, scanner, you're days are numbered. In fact, it's dead already, but I shall do to it what was done to the fax machine in Office Space if it continues to laugh at me like that clown did to Adam Sandler on the putt-putt course in Happy Gilmore. Michael Bolton, you are my hero. " 'PC Load Letter'. What the fuck does that mean?" :D
I finally found an adapter that was compatible with the scanner. I didn't want to fry the damn thing; I like my scanner a little rare. Anyway, I plug it in but needed to reload software from Microtek's webpage. No problem. Download, download, download. I'm staring at the screen like Ron Livingston's character from Office Space when he was trying to shut down and get the hell out of Dodge before Lumberg caught him. (Incidentally, Ron had a part in The Cooler... heh heh :D
Finally, everything is in place. Should I be a grown-up or scan my ass? Sadly, I never had the opportunity to answer that question. The damn scanner started spitting out gibberish every time.
[aside on:] Since some people here are acoustic guitar nuts, I'll reveal that when you first start playing guitar you don't actually spend much time playing. Instead, you spend most of your time shaking the guitar over your head because you dropped the pick in the hole. It's a little ridiculous, and some smart ass is always standing there to say 'that's not how you play that thing'. Thanks, buddy.
Anyway, the bottom line is: you can't do the same to a scanner and get the same "resolution" (pun intended, hehe). They break... allegedly. Now, I'm not saying I was shaking the scanner over my head, but the thought crossed my mind. In the glut of house-swapping that's been going on around here lately, there is a possibility it was not "strummed" so gently. Ex-Nirvana frontmen are cringing at such wanton behavior, I'm sure. "How could you, Ruby?" Crybabies...
Anyway, if you are getting the picture then you ought to see why I can't provide any more of them... Pictures, I mean. I must abide by worsd alone until I get another scanner or beat some sense into this one. Michael Bolton, would you care to do the honors? :)
I finally found an adapter that was compatible with the scanner. I didn't want to fry the damn thing; I like my scanner a little rare. Anyway, I plug it in but needed to reload software from Microtek's webpage. No problem. Download, download, download. I'm staring at the screen like Ron Livingston's character from Office Space when he was trying to shut down and get the hell out of Dodge before Lumberg caught him. (Incidentally, Ron had a part in The Cooler... heh heh :D
Finally, everything is in place. Should I be a grown-up or scan my ass? Sadly, I never had the opportunity to answer that question. The damn scanner started spitting out gibberish every time.
[aside on:] Since some people here are acoustic guitar nuts, I'll reveal that when you first start playing guitar you don't actually spend much time playing. Instead, you spend most of your time shaking the guitar over your head because you dropped the pick in the hole. It's a little ridiculous, and some smart ass is always standing there to say 'that's not how you play that thing'. Thanks, buddy.
Anyway, the bottom line is: you can't do the same to a scanner and get the same "resolution" (pun intended, hehe). They break... allegedly. Now, I'm not saying I was shaking the scanner over my head, but the thought crossed my mind. In the glut of house-swapping that's been going on around here lately, there is a possibility it was not "strummed" so gently. Ex-Nirvana frontmen are cringing at such wanton behavior, I'm sure. "How could you, Ruby?" Crybabies...
Anyway, if you are getting the picture then you ought to see why I can't provide any more of them... Pictures, I mean. I must abide by worsd alone until I get another scanner or beat some sense into this one. Michael Bolton, would you care to do the honors? :)
posted by ruby maser at 6/06/2005 12:07:00 PM
14 Comments:
FINALLY some movie references I'm all about. Office Space and I are good friends. Although you know more people names than I do.
Yah, I saw dude in The Cooler. I didn't think the acting was all hot in the pants though.
Great lead in and lead out with the scanner/guitar analogy. (Pun, indeed? Lead in and lead out, is a music term from something. I just know it!)
I spent three hours on the phone with a tech when I got my new scanner. My old PC was such a pile that, yes, three hours on the phone. I bought a new PC and it installed in several minutes. Ahhh, like being born again.
It was acting up the other night though and I was ready to freak. Maybe I need to 'turn off' the PC more and less 'standby' ...
Wow, who knew I was chatty today? I didn't. I might blog later, but not now, I have a headache.
Man, this scanner post has caused many headaches. I had one last night while finishing it up. I will avenge your headache Michael Bolton-style against the scanner after this :)
Glad to hear that I nailed the movie references this time. It wasn't intentional, but I remember noticing Office Space in you movie favs.
Incidentally, I hadn't seen you that you were a Portishead fan before. If you truly dig their stuff, may I suggest that you check out Goldfrapp. I wil probably lay Paul Thomas Anderson's link to rest and replace it with theirs, but I quick web search will help you find their site. Or, just listen to some audio samples. I wasn't as impressed with their follow-up, but I think their debut album, Felt Mountain, is amazing. If you so chose to take a listen, let me know what you think.
From the comments on the previous post, I hope you don't think I mean that your blog is "raw". If its uninhibited and unreserved and unapologetic and energetic, that's all the good. I'm sure you edit and revise, but you seem to be more able to let the post really 'live' (as you put it)
Much like a great deal of the poetry I've written, I am hard pressed to say that my blog posts are really finished , only abandoned. But with each post, it gets easier, so I thank you for the encouragement there. 'More blog' is a mantra I will try to live by :D
I'm off to kick some scanner tail!
Nothing beats the scanner-in-the-field scene where one of the guys has to be pulled off of it.
Yeah, I didn't think you were saying "raw" but more like verbal diarrhea ... which, I dunno, it's funny but too much. I'd like to be just the right amount. Feel free to critique my Hot Flashes. I don't mind.
MORB LOG
MORB LOG
Oh, hey, on Portishead ... I have ... [rummaging] [running out to car]
Roseland NYC live
I don't know what two discs I've heard and dug on.
I'm really really bad at knowing artists, titles, albums, etc. I love music but don't remember those details (same as with movies, directors, actors' names).
But yeah, I should check out the smaples. Thank you for the suggestion.
SMAPLES!
See, I like to proof read it live. But I won't delete and rewrite the comment.
;)
I can't go critiquing your blog. I may have fallen short in describing it, but I like it the way it is. That's why I keep reading...
:)
Okay, very cool. So does that make me a bad blogger-fan if I throw suggestions your way?
I mean, I've only been blogging for about three weeks more than you have.
I fancy myself a writer too, although one that writes like I already do. My "polished" stuff ... well, you can imagine why I'm so enthralled with Hemingway and his ability to portray so much with such simple dialogue.
So. If you read something that you think has a style that would be a big hit in print, just let me know. I am interested in your screen-writer perspective.
And as an architect in training pants who is an aspiring screen-writer? I'm confused.
You may make any suggestions you like. :) I just didn't want you thinking I was pre-emptively judging your writing.
I think how a writer writes doesn't necessarily matter as much as what they choose to write about. Maybe that's why Hemmingway and Steinbeck accomplished so much with so little. The story and its theme were universal, and its conflicts the most basic ones of our shared humanity. An old saying from script-writing goes, "The story is king".
It could be super-polished or stream-of-conscious, reductivist or over-long. If your blog falls in-between, I would still think that either extreme could be justified.
If your blog reflects how unedited life really is, I would think it an artistic decision. The writing style of that particular moment suits the subject matter. It doesn't define you permanently; you define it.
For me, what's unfiltered and genuine about it most is you. It's your honesty and not refraining from telling the good and the bad of what happens to you in life.
I wouldn't want someone to give me a skewed perspective of who they are, and you haven't tried to do that.
I try to not self-aggrandize my life story. That's why I prefaced my poet and screenwriter titles with "amateur". It's also why I was forth-coming about being in 'training pants' architecturally-speaking.
I don't want to lord over some kingdom blog thats been stratified by perceptions of status. All I want is to connect with people.
I think that you do to, if I may be so bold.
But again, I just hope you don't think that I'm assessing you. I'm just trying to verbalize what it is about your writing that I like.
I appreciate it.
One thought I had about you giving stream-of-consciousness a go:
Isn't it best to challenge yourself as a writer and try other styles? You've learned how to write effective and polished stories or essays and now this 'daily mundanity' is new for you ...
Embrace it!?
Well, I've already got a cannonball just about loaded and ready to fire, and this one was polished to a high-tone finish.
However, I think it's a wonderful exercise to try. And if you don't mind me being silly for a sec...
[to stream-of-conscious]:
"I shall embrace you as a friend!"
[hug ensues]
"Alright. Yes. Okay... okay, you can let go now, stream...
...Okay! Hug's over! Get off me!"
[hug ends]
"What are you, French?"
:D
I'm so totally waiting for this cannon ball.
I don't get the French joke. I'm German. And the French cheek kiss... And Germans don't hug...
The cannonball in question is the long-promised follow-up to the Matisse vs. Picasso post so, I'm not sure how exciting it will be. I'm still not happy with it just yet.
And I couldn't remember whether or not it was the French who did the whole cheek kissing number. Still, you wrote "embrace it" so I did the literally embrace stream-of-consciousness writing routine.
I recall from your blog that your German 100%. That's cool; there are still some predominantly German enclaves and cities in central Texas you might get a kick out of. Amazing cultural perseverance. Good beer, too. :)
I'm a crazy soup of Irish, English, German, and Czech heritage. Can't I all just get along? :p
Ahhh ha ha. I totally didn't get where your stream of concsiousness was getting its inspiration from.
*ding*
Yeah, I'm like any other white American girl I would guess. I just happen to have thicker blood. (?) Maybe that's why I bruise so easily.
I don't know if Texas and I would get along...
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