Chess frenzy
I find chess, well-played, to be art. What some people may not know (or want to know, when I'm finished) is that chess can be an almost carnal experience. Now, before all the adolescent boys in the room suddenly drop their daily staple of pornography in trade for chess books, you should all know one thing... Gotcha!!
There isn't anything sexual about chess, and there isn't anything romantic about chess played by candlelight. It's still chess, just harder to see the pieces. But with the bespectacled crowds of geeks that throng to chess tournaments, you'd think the experience had damaged their vision in some way, just not romantically.
No, chess is best played in the well-lit ballrooms and conference halls of upscale hotels near the airport. That or Central Park, where a 10-trillion watt star 90 million miles away can illuminate the venue properly. I would yell "Checkmate" and then do a victory lap on the lawn.
You ask any pawn out there. They shouldn't answer you. Pawns don't speak. If they wink, boy, are you in trouble. And while you're still shaking the affrontery, if you see one king mating another king, get the hell out of there. The chess tournament is down the street at the Hilton, genius. Your egghead strategy might save you on the chessboard, but your poor sense of direction in the real world just landed you at the Blue Oyster Bar! (hat-tip to Police Academy 3, I think) Hence, again, why chess tournaments are held near airports. Avoids the confusion.
In chess anyway, kings must remain separated by at least one square at all times. Phew! That's a buffer gay bars don't enforce. Steer clear.
But the point is: what's the point?
And to answer that, in cyclical intervals, every three months or so, I get an itch to play chess. I will then proceed to play it for several months, rinse, and repeat.
Why the fever comes and goes is beyond me. Maybe, I don't have the finely-honed killer instincts of the die-hard geeks out there. I don't have the anemic build, questionable fashion sense, or bad posture either. Don't believe me? Take a look at my picture. I sit up straight and have one eye and a derby hat, instead. I do wear suspenders, but clockwork oranges can get away with that. ;)
But appearances aside, I have found myself wandering into Yahoo's gamerooms again. Very tense. At first, I just watch. Don't know what to make of that pack of nerds over there lording over one chessboard like it's a new species of fungus. Should I approach? They could be dangerous!
I kid, but really, I've never actually played tournament chess. I have considered it, though, which makes me a bigger geek than those who have not. Yahoo makes playing online anonymous and efficient for those of us who just don't have to the stomach for showing up an hour early at the Mariott dressed head-to-toe as our favorite chess piece, board and time clock in hand, and ready to get it on! (I'd be a rook, btw)
Short story long, regardless of wherever it comes from, that mysterious yen is back. :)
There isn't anything sexual about chess, and there isn't anything romantic about chess played by candlelight. It's still chess, just harder to see the pieces. But with the bespectacled crowds of geeks that throng to chess tournaments, you'd think the experience had damaged their vision in some way, just not romantically.
No, chess is best played in the well-lit ballrooms and conference halls of upscale hotels near the airport. That or Central Park, where a 10-trillion watt star 90 million miles away can illuminate the venue properly. I would yell "Checkmate" and then do a victory lap on the lawn.
You ask any pawn out there. They shouldn't answer you. Pawns don't speak. If they wink, boy, are you in trouble. And while you're still shaking the affrontery, if you see one king mating another king, get the hell out of there. The chess tournament is down the street at the Hilton, genius. Your egghead strategy might save you on the chessboard, but your poor sense of direction in the real world just landed you at the Blue Oyster Bar! (hat-tip to Police Academy 3, I think) Hence, again, why chess tournaments are held near airports. Avoids the confusion.
In chess anyway, kings must remain separated by at least one square at all times. Phew! That's a buffer gay bars don't enforce. Steer clear.
But the point is: what's the point?
And to answer that, in cyclical intervals, every three months or so, I get an itch to play chess. I will then proceed to play it for several months, rinse, and repeat.
Why the fever comes and goes is beyond me. Maybe, I don't have the finely-honed killer instincts of the die-hard geeks out there. I don't have the anemic build, questionable fashion sense, or bad posture either. Don't believe me? Take a look at my picture. I sit up straight and have one eye and a derby hat, instead. I do wear suspenders, but clockwork oranges can get away with that. ;)
But appearances aside, I have found myself wandering into Yahoo's gamerooms again. Very tense. At first, I just watch. Don't know what to make of that pack of nerds over there lording over one chessboard like it's a new species of fungus. Should I approach? They could be dangerous!
I kid, but really, I've never actually played tournament chess. I have considered it, though, which makes me a bigger geek than those who have not. Yahoo makes playing online anonymous and efficient for those of us who just don't have to the stomach for showing up an hour early at the Mariott dressed head-to-toe as our favorite chess piece, board and time clock in hand, and ready to get it on! (I'd be a rook, btw)
Short story long, regardless of wherever it comes from, that mysterious yen is back. :)
posted by ruby maser at 6/16/2005 10:58:00 AM
4 Comments:
I have a suicide style of playing chess, myself.
I sort of throw pieces wherever and after I've lost a few and taken a few the board seems much more welcoming to some serious play.
I just can't think around a full board. Too tidy.
Yes, very difficult to manuever early on. Early objectives are to control the middle and open up space for your attack while denying you opponent those same things.
The trick is to trade pieces off when you gain some small advantage from it. Space, tempo, material, destabilizing your opponent's pawn structure, etc.
I remember that, when I've been in a bad spot and a loss was inevitable, I'd do a suicide king attack. Just start marching him down the board like a Rambo. :D
OK maybe you're WAY into chess.... !!!
Kidding, it's great you have such a passion for it. It really is a great match between patience, tenacity and strategy.
I haven't played in years, my brother would purposely make stupid noises and talk to me when I was thinking (b/c he was bored) so I was really put off.
Well, like I said, whatever passion there is between me and chess comes and goes.
I like it and understand it and I'm relatively good at it, but I can't swear by it like some of these people do.
Argh!! I'm melting!! Intensity waning, getting old!! I'm MELTING!!
:D
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