Indictment of Me
From Annex's http://donteattoken.blogspot.com (why can't I call it something else? I know I should be able to)
I sinfully well-organized list of all my trangressions. I'm sure I will continue to add to it... within reason, people. ;)
>(/) crashed a friend's car -- crashed into a friend's car, debated driving off before my conscience got the better of me
>( ) stolen a car
>( ) been in love -- never met her... yet
>(X) shoplifted -- worked at grocery store once, can't deny taking free samples a few times when I was young and stupid
>( ) been fired -- had some strikes against me for lateness though
>(X) been in a fight
>( )snuck out of your parent's house
>(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back -- more than once
>( ) been arrested -- I'm letting the bad kharma build a bit longer
>(/) made out with a stranger -- had just met her that night, didn't sleep with her though
>(X) gone on a blind date
>(X) lied to a friend -- can't remember off-hand, but I still would guess I have
>( ) had a crush on a teacher
>( ) skipped school -- I was a good little school boy
>( ) slept with a co-worker --
>( ) seen someone die -- so far, I've been elsewhere
>( ) had a crush on one of your myspace/facebook/etc friends -- yeah, what?
>( ) been to Canada
>( ) been to Mexico -- looked over the river at it though
>(X) been on a plane
>( ) thrown up in a bar in Mexico -- still planning on it
>( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire -- accidentally done so
>( ) eaten Sushi
>(X) been snowboarding -- tried it, but have yet to master it
>( ) met someone in person from myspace/facebook/etc -- no, I think (?)
>(X) been moshing at a concert
>( ) been in an abusive relationship -- my Momma raised me right
>(X) taken painkillers
>( ) love someone or miss someone right now -- my family will always warrant an X but I think it is referring to a significant other
>(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
>( ) made a snow angel -- I live in Texas, what is this "snow" substance you speak of ;)
>( ) had a tea party
>(X) flown a kite
>(X) built a sand castle
>(X) gone puddle jumping
>( ) played dress up
>(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
>( ) gone sledding -- again , I live in Texas
>(X) cheated while playing a game -- Grampa was a bad influence there
>(X) been lonely
>(X) fallen asleep at work/school -- thankfully, yes
>( ) used a fake ID
>(X) watched the sun set
>( ) felt an earthquake
>(X) touched a snake
>(/) smoked a cigarette -- I have taken a drag or two in my time, but I've never inhaled :p Seriously, though, I don't smoke
>( ) smoked a cigar
>(X) slept beneath the stars -- ah, camping out
>(X) been tickled -- it's my kryptonite, it is
>(X) been robbed -- my vehicle was broken into before
>(X) been misunderstood -- I didn't catch that. What?
>(X) pet a reindeer/goat -- petting zoo flashback
>(X) won a contest -- if pool tournaments count as contests, yes
>(X) run a red light -- I always pleaded no contest, which is not an admission of guilt
>( ) been suspended from school -- no, but I've stolen someone else's reason that I wasn't suspended from school :p Detention was the worst they could do me for
>(X) been in a car accident -- none that were the other guy's fault though
>(X) had braces & AN EXPANSION BAR -- actually, had 'em both, too
>(X) felt like an outcast
>( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night -- I'm sure I've eaten a "pint" of ice cream (which isn't that much). Surely, they mean a half gallon, right? If so, then no.
>(X) had deja vu -- didn't you just ask me that? (Thx to Bill Murray there)
>( ) danced in the moonlight
>(X) hated the way you look
>(X) witnessed a crime -- you'll have to speak with my attorney :)
>(X) questioned your heart
>( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
>(X) squished barefoot through the mud
>(X) been lost
>(X) been to the opposite side of the country -- from Texas, I've been north as far as Indiana, east as far as Florida, and west as far as New Mexico. I've got very little mileage, and I don't mind being used. Want to buy me?
>(X) swam in the ocean -- Gulf of Mexico and Atlantic
>(X) felt like dying
>(X) played cops and robbers -- my father's old neighborhood was built for little kids to rule
>( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers -- actually, not in a while, but I love Prisma colors
>(X) sung karaoke -- there is no record of it... I hope
>( ) paid for a meal with only coins
>(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
>( ) made prank phone calls
>(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose --
>(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue
>(X) danced in the rain
>(X) written a letter to Santa Claus -- was I supposed to have stopped?
>(X) been kissed under a mistletoe
>(X) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
>(X) blown bubbles
>(X) made a bonfire on the beach
>( ) crashed a party -- would have been easy in college, but never tried
>(/) gone rollerblading -- no, because I've been roller"skating", and I was always the kid clinging to the wall for dear life. Uncoordinated like that, I guess
>(X) had a wish come true
>( ) humped a monkey -- someone out there has probably checked yes
>( ) worn pearls
>( ) jumped off a bridge
>( ) screamed penis in class
>(X) ate dog/cat food
>( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
>(X) kissed a mirror
>(X) sang in the shower
>( )have a little black dress -- does my graduation outfit count?
>( ) had a dream that you married someone
>(/) glued your hand to something -- I've glued my fingers together
>( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole -- loved when it happened in A Christmas Story. Television must have taught me something there.
>( ) kissed a fish -- saw a kid eat a fisheye once in a science class disection
>(X) worn the opposite sexes clothes -- there is double standard here, I know that now, but when you're drunk, mores and taboos go out the window
>( ) been a cheerleader
>(X) sat on a roof top -- yep, and did the jump off thing as well
>(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
>( ) done a one-handed cartwheel -- I've only done questionable two-handed cartwheels
>( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
>(X) stayed up all night -- never for a good reason but many times
>(/)didn't take a shower for a week -- not a whole week
>(X) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
>(X) climbed a tree
>(/) had a tree house -- Forts on the ground in the woods were the closest I came
>(X) are scared to watch scary movies alone -- only a few though. most are just a little too corny
>(X) believe in ghosts
>( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
>( )worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say -- if I had no style, it was completely on accident
>( ) gone streaking -- never beyond the boxers
>( ) played ding-dong-ditch
>( ) played chicken
>( )been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
>(X) been told you're hot by a complete stranger -- once
>( ) broken a bone -- got away clean so far
>(X) been easily amused
>(X) caught a fish then ate it -- it was cooked first though
>( ) made porn
>(X) caught a butterfly
>(X) laughed so hard you cried
>( )cried so hard you laughed -- might be nice though to come to that point
>(X) mooned/flashed someone -- that's peer pressure for ya
>( )had someone moon/flash you -- not specifically, no
>( ) made out with a member of the same sex -- not a chance
>(X) cheated on a test -- maybe once or twice, but we I was your age we didn't have them celly phones and computators to cheat with! We had to do it the old fashioned way!
>( ) have a Britney Spears CD
>(X) forgotten someone's name -- I feel guilty and try hard but am, nonetheless, bad with names
>(X) slept naked
>( )French braided someone's hair -- wouldn't even know where to start
>( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool
>( ) been kicked out of your house -- had the exact opposite happen. No, stay. Stay. Stay as long as you like. Weird. I'm glad that's over.
I sinfully well-organized list of all my trangressions. I'm sure I will continue to add to it... within reason, people. ;)
>(/) crashed a friend's car -- crashed into a friend's car, debated driving off before my conscience got the better of me
>( ) stolen a car
>( ) been in love -- never met her... yet
>(X) shoplifted -- worked at grocery store once, can't deny taking free samples a few times when I was young and stupid
>( ) been fired -- had some strikes against me for lateness though
>(X) been in a fight
>( )snuck out of your parent's house
>(X) had feelings for someone who didn't have them back -- more than once
>( ) been arrested -- I'm letting the bad kharma build a bit longer
>(/) made out with a stranger -- had just met her that night, didn't sleep with her though
>(X) gone on a blind date
>(X) lied to a friend -- can't remember off-hand, but I still would guess I have
>( ) had a crush on a teacher
>( ) skipped school -- I was a good little school boy
>( ) slept with a co-worker --
>( ) seen someone die -- so far, I've been elsewhere
>( ) had a crush on one of your myspace/facebook/etc friends -- yeah, what?
>( ) been to Canada
>( ) been to Mexico -- looked over the river at it though
>(X) been on a plane
>( ) thrown up in a bar in Mexico -- still planning on it
>( ) purposely set a part of myself on fire -- accidentally done so
>( ) eaten Sushi
>(X) been snowboarding -- tried it, but have yet to master it
>( ) met someone in person from myspace/facebook/etc -- no, I think (?)
>(X) been moshing at a concert
>( ) been in an abusive relationship -- my Momma raised me right
>(X) taken painkillers
>( ) love someone or miss someone right now -- my family will always warrant an X but I think it is referring to a significant other
>(X) laid on your back and watched cloud shapes go by
>( ) made a snow angel -- I live in Texas, what is this "snow" substance you speak of ;)
>( ) had a tea party
>(X) flown a kite
>(X) built a sand castle
>(X) gone puddle jumping
>( ) played dress up
>(X) jumped into a pile of leaves
>( ) gone sledding -- again , I live in Texas
>(X) cheated while playing a game -- Grampa was a bad influence there
>(X) been lonely
>(X) fallen asleep at work/school -- thankfully, yes
>( ) used a fake ID
>(X) watched the sun set
>( ) felt an earthquake
>(X) touched a snake
>(/) smoked a cigarette -- I have taken a drag or two in my time, but I've never inhaled :p Seriously, though, I don't smoke
>( ) smoked a cigar
>(X) slept beneath the stars -- ah, camping out
>(X) been tickled -- it's my kryptonite, it is
>(X) been robbed -- my vehicle was broken into before
>(X) been misunderstood -- I didn't catch that. What?
>(X) pet a reindeer/goat -- petting zoo flashback
>(X) won a contest -- if pool tournaments count as contests, yes
>(X) run a red light -- I always pleaded no contest, which is not an admission of guilt
>( ) been suspended from school -- no, but I've stolen someone else's reason that I wasn't suspended from school :p Detention was the worst they could do me for
>(X) been in a car accident -- none that were the other guy's fault though
>(X) had braces & AN EXPANSION BAR -- actually, had 'em both, too
>(X) felt like an outcast
>( ) eaten a whole pint of ice cream in one night -- I'm sure I've eaten a "pint" of ice cream (which isn't that much). Surely, they mean a half gallon, right? If so, then no.
>(X) had deja vu -- didn't you just ask me that? (Thx to Bill Murray there)
>( ) danced in the moonlight
>(X) hated the way you look
>(X) witnessed a crime -- you'll have to speak with my attorney :)
>(X) questioned your heart
>( ) been obsessed with post-it notes
>(X) squished barefoot through the mud
>(X) been lost
>(X) been to the opposite side of the country -- from Texas, I've been north as far as Indiana, east as far as Florida, and west as far as New Mexico. I've got very little mileage, and I don't mind being used. Want to buy me?
>(X) swam in the ocean -- Gulf of Mexico and Atlantic
>(X) felt like dying
>(X) played cops and robbers -- my father's old neighborhood was built for little kids to rule
>( ) recently colored with crayons/colored pencils/markers -- actually, not in a while, but I love Prisma colors
>(X) sung karaoke -- there is no record of it... I hope
>( ) paid for a meal with only coins
>(X) done something you told yourself you wouldn't
>( ) made prank phone calls
>(X) laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose --
>(X) caught a snowflake on your tongue
>(X) danced in the rain
>(X) written a letter to Santa Claus -- was I supposed to have stopped?
>(X) been kissed under a mistletoe
>(X) watched the sun rise with someone you care about
>(X) blown bubbles
>(X) made a bonfire on the beach
>( ) crashed a party -- would have been easy in college, but never tried
>(/) gone rollerblading -- no, because I've been roller"skating", and I was always the kid clinging to the wall for dear life. Uncoordinated like that, I guess
>(X) had a wish come true
>( ) humped a monkey -- someone out there has probably checked yes
>( ) worn pearls
>( ) jumped off a bridge
>( ) screamed penis in class
>(X) ate dog/cat food
>( ) told a complete stranger you loved them
>(X) kissed a mirror
>(X) sang in the shower
>( )have a little black dress -- does my graduation outfit count?
>( ) had a dream that you married someone
>(/) glued your hand to something -- I've glued my fingers together
>( ) got your tongue stuck to a flag pole -- loved when it happened in A Christmas Story. Television must have taught me something there.
>( ) kissed a fish -- saw a kid eat a fisheye once in a science class disection
>(X) worn the opposite sexes clothes -- there is double standard here, I know that now, but when you're drunk, mores and taboos go out the window
>( ) been a cheerleader
>(X) sat on a roof top -- yep, and did the jump off thing as well
>(X) screamed at the top of your lungs
>( ) done a one-handed cartwheel -- I've only done questionable two-handed cartwheels
>( ) talked on the phone for more than 6 hours
>(X) stayed up all night -- never for a good reason but many times
>(/)didn't take a shower for a week -- not a whole week
>(X) pick and ate an apple right off the tree
>(X) climbed a tree
>(/) had a tree house -- Forts on the ground in the woods were the closest I came
>(X) are scared to watch scary movies alone -- only a few though. most are just a little too corny
>(X) believe in ghosts
>( ) have more than 30 pairs of shoes
>( )worn a really ugly outfit to school just to see what others say -- if I had no style, it was completely on accident
>( ) gone streaking -- never beyond the boxers
>( ) played ding-dong-ditch
>( ) played chicken
>( )been pushed into a pool with all your clothes on
>(X) been told you're hot by a complete stranger -- once
>( ) broken a bone -- got away clean so far
>(X) been easily amused
>(X) caught a fish then ate it -- it was cooked first though
>( ) made porn
>(X) caught a butterfly
>(X) laughed so hard you cried
>( )cried so hard you laughed -- might be nice though to come to that point
>(X) mooned/flashed someone -- that's peer pressure for ya
>( )had someone moon/flash you -- not specifically, no
>( ) made out with a member of the same sex -- not a chance
>(X) cheated on a test -- maybe once or twice, but we I was your age we didn't have them celly phones and computators to cheat with! We had to do it the old fashioned way!
>( ) have a Britney Spears CD
>(X) forgotten someone's name -- I feel guilty and try hard but am, nonetheless, bad with names
>(X) slept naked
>( )French braided someone's hair -- wouldn't even know where to start
>( ) gone skinny dipping in a pool
>( ) been kicked out of your house -- had the exact opposite happen. No, stay. Stay. Stay as long as you like. Weird. I'm glad that's over.
posted by ruby maser at 7/03/2005 09:20:00 PM
16 Comments:
[laughing out loud]
Ahhh, that was fun to read.
So you caught a snowflake on your tongue in never-never land, where snowangels were unheard of?
And were you really a bad boy in school, or did you accidently use my answer to being suspended?
So, you had your upper palate expanded? Mine was installed during 8th grade speech class. It sucked. I still find myself talking as if I'm talking around it.
Was this complimenting stranger the stranger you made out with?
:)
And, oh God, I dare ask
What part of yourself did you "accidently" set on fire?
Thx :)
It was alot of fun to write. Brought back many memories.
About the snowflake incident, we Texans usually hold the snowflake gods at gunpoint and send them to Minnesota where they belong. "Get yer yeller hides outta here!"
When I was very young though, those same snowflakes gods were just too persistent one year to go away. The snow actually stuck to the ground, which is rare, and we got a snowman out of it. Must have been hot as hell in Minnesota that winter ;)
And I did accidentally leave your answer on for the school suspension. I corrected it now.
That expansion bar was a pain alright. I had mine in 10th grade, if I recall correctly. I remember when it was first installed just how fascinating it was to try to say the word "cube". It kept coming out "coob".
The complimenting stranger was a different person than make-out girl.
And I was goofing around once with someone's Zippo lighter. It was leaking a little. Maybe they had just refilled it. Anyway, I had gotten some on my hand. I thinking I was trying to mimic some lighter tricks I've seen and it ended up lighting the butane. It didn't burn me, just the fluid before I put it out. What was so memorable about it was that, because it didn't hurt, there was no hurry to put it out. My lack of reaction really caught my friends off gaurd.
:D
Well, at least you got detention. (oooh, bad-ass)
Your lighter incident goes in the same category as the guy I watched blow Everclear into a torch - and he blew fire.
We used the Everclear to burn a small campfire on the driveway while we sat around drinking. "Pull up a slab, we're doin' Wal-Mart style." I made it up that night, no one got it really but they kept saying it.
I'm sure make-out girl thinks you're hot too, but maybe she just wasn't a stranger.
Sometimes getting the compliment from a stranger isn't so cool. One guy waited for me to come out of Sam's Club (he had talked me while waiting in line inside) and drove up to me in his ghetto van to ask if I was single and tell me how ___ I was. CREEP-A-FUCKING-REEPY
* * * * * * * *
We did have a mild winter a couple years ago. I was wearing sandals in February. Then it snowed again in March. GD snow.
Oh, I'm bad alright. They just never caught me ;)
Yeah, right. Probably took a little college away from home to loosen me up a bit.
Not sure I get the "Wal-Mart style" quote either but it is pretty infectious to say.
Kinda like the SuFi. I was trolling around your friend Hunzer's blog last night and finally found a link to Dane Cook's site that explained what it was. Pretty cool. Probably should have just asked though and sated my curiousity.
Never heard any of Dane Cook's stand-up, but if he's anything like Dave Atell, he's probably funny as shit.
I guess I feel your pain when it comes to dealing with men. It seems attractive women have a double-edged sword there. A certain popularity with some people you'd just as soon not be.
Probably just fools for love that didn't think it through. Creepy maybe, but that boundless optimism is somewhat refreshing beneath it all.
Reminds of a quote from Canadian Bacon (John Candy, I believe). It goes:
"There is a time to think, and a time to act. And this, my friend, is not time to think."
:D
Ahem, I meant "no time to think". I went and screwed up my quotable quote.
Probably should have just erased it all and started over :P
No, I'm glad you're learning to live with your comment-mistakes. !!
And NO, not good to think of creepy van guy as having boundless optimism - as I'm sure I would have been bound and gagged and left for dead! NO NO NO
Okay, how about this one:
I'm on a fieldtrip in the college section of downtown when I was 16 or 17. Some older man comes up to me in a CD store and starts talking about the music I had in my hand and how he has a great collection at home.
And his home is actually a bed-n-breakfast. He says I'd dig it.
He offers me to come visit sometime and he'd make me breakfast.
NO NO NO
I grabbed one of my male classmates and ran out of the store.
Check out some sound bites at danecook.com
See, I made a mistake too .. sound bYtes...
lol. Hmm, okay, you got me. I know a girl's gotta be careful. "Boundless optimism" isn't a euphemism for serial killer, but it might as well be a big red flag when it comes to undesirables.
And I''ll take a look a Dane Cook's sound bites after I have a byte to eat :p
[hand over eyes to block the sun, looking off to the horizon]
I'll just have to be extra watchful, extra vigilant when it comes to my comments so as to catch any miss-steaks before posting.
Yeah, nothing gets by me ;)
I had to borrow this list - it was just too much! :o)
Great sunset imagery - but wasn't it crickets you were listening for in the wake of that byte-bit joke?
MUUAHHAWAWAHAHAHAHAHHAHA
(hee hee)
Oh, and you had another typo in that comment Mr Ruby Maser.
I"ll
Mrs. Duke, you are welcome to borrow the list... provided you bring it back and Annex says it's alright. I borrowed it from her without asking and never brought it back, so you know... I'm not sweating it either. :p
(little hat-tip to Rushmore on that one)
In reference to my bite/byte mix-up, yes, yes, I hear crickets. Always the crickets. Either that, or sometimes I here that little one-two drum and cymbal roll from the immortal one-liners. Either way, it's bad.
And that's another thing, Mrs. Token, don't make me break out the SuFi. I've been practising. :D
There are no miss-steaks on my blog. Nevertheless, I am a repeat offender. I repeat, I will offend again.
I'll try and get the guitar post out tomorrow. I've been trying to scan a pic for it, but I need to go to work and use the bosses' because is still laughing at me.
Until then, g'night all.
Ugh. You beat me to it. I was going to pound my fists into the carpet and yell
STOP COMMENTING AND START BLOGGING
Great, thanks.
BTW
practiCing
And Mrs Token? That's Miss to you!
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